Unapologetically Inappropriate

Born feral, I spent my early years mostly naked and coated in mud, carving out sacred spaces in the roots of a huge tree at the foot of the garden to invite the tree spirits to come make magick with me and teach me through alchemical play. I was mostly wildly inappropriate, non-conformist and not of this world.

In an era of this unbridled freedom being less acceptable than the brutality of beating a child to tame them into someone more appropriate, I lost this spirit and filled the void with sugar, alcohol and general co-dependence to mask the shame I felt for desiring the wild connection to the tangled messy natural world.

Shame is not innate but something we are taught by the adults and society that shapes us — often by force and coercion — so as to better fit the expectations of a dysfunctional reality.

Finding my way back to who I was born to be has felt even more brutal than those early beatings and has taken repeatedly falling through crevasses, analogous of birthing portals into different origins, until I reconnected with full-bodied intentionality to resourcing through nature.

I recently went through another birth canal when I graduated as an Integral Coach with UCT GSB and recognised that resourcing with nature is not the same as embodying it. Walking the Otter Trail I further recognised that embodying nature is, for me, about accessing the feral and wildly inappropriate child within until she is fully integrated, living through me and pulling me in line with the trajectory of her playful nature spirit being.

This means no longer trying to fit in to be accepted by those who consider me to be inappropriate; neither does it mean adopting new age mantras that deny this reality … what it means for me is to simply embrace my inappropriateness and unashamedly love all of it; all of me.

“My life is my message.” Gandhi

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