When I work with clients, it gives me access to all those parts of myself that also need work, development, acknowledgement or just simple noticing.

Recently, there has been a calling for me to look beneath the story I have of being ADHD. This story comes with my inability to sit still, my drive to go running daily and my incapacity to focus fully on any given task for extended periods of time. And I also know that when I have to I can … which means there is more beneath the surface. There is ALWAYS more beneath the surface.

I speak a lot about letting go of certainty of anything in favour of allowing whatever is in the blindspot to emerge into the light. And this goes for allowing what’s underneath each story to fully reveal itself.

So, looking in the mirror of the work I have been recently doing with clients, I sense into this disease around rest; this guilt and self-judgement that comes with not doing, doing, doing; this feeling of not deserving time out lest I become lazy, lethargic, unmotivated. I am debilitated by my need to rest sometimes because of all my strong inner critic (in IFS terminology this would be one of my managers keeping me safe from feeling all of the above) telling me I’ll never do anything ever again if I take a moment off from being busy physically or mentally – even the act of meditation has become a doing rather than a being for me. She’s a fierce inner critic and I have been ignoring her to my own detriment; using my ADHD label as justification to keep moving in all layers of my being and, when I stop, getting stuck in a freeze state terrified of being caught out being all the nasty judgements she assigns to me.

What is it that is underneath your story? Can you see it?

It’s critical that one only goes there when safe enough to do so. There is a way to go in just a little bit at a time, gradually doing deeper and deeper until you get to the core – going directly there will freak out the protector parts of you and they’ll jump in to do their job to keep you safe whilst sabotaging the work that needs to be done.

If you need help finding these parts of yourself and feeling held whilst doing this integral work, contact me on +27 (0) 741011621 or wellworthbeing@gmail.com